Dubai Problems by HBO's 'The Game of Thrones' Cast

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Game of Thrones impressions / impersonations,  Dubai problems - pretty self explanatory...  Voices by Miles Buckeridge, guest starring Lawrie Buckeridge

Dubai Celebrity Phone Jacker: Jon Snow, Peter Griffin, Captain Jack Sparrow and Golem impressions

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Phone-jack. to seize control of a telephone conversation by farce esp. to divert it from reason and logic.

What's your favourite thing about living in Dubai?

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There are many things we love about Dubai, but just in case you find yourself in need of remembering some of them, here are a few handily cataloged for you - with a sprinkling of international accents and an extra dose of Liam Neeson crammed in for good measure.

The Dubai Toilet - a Planet Earth Parody

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The Dubai Toilet, a breath-holding documentary on the hidden under belly of Dubai toilets. Or restrooms as everybody else seems to bizarrely call them, or bathrooms, didn't find any baths during filming, or much rest come to think of it, anyway, here it is - in all it's shameful glory

Taxi Driver Impressions

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Taxi Driver Impressions 

Published on 18 Apr 2017

All hail the Taxi Drivers, the unsung heroes of our roads - makes you wonder: how would other nationalities compare with our beloved Pakistani cabbies here in the UAE?
Disclaimer - Somebody pointed out to me that Mad Shadz did a very (very) similar video to this a while back, it's also extremely funny (link below). It's not a straight up rip off, I genuinely wasn't aware of his video before I made mine... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pID_RQcO1YM

Five types of people you meet on the Dubai Metro

In Germany, it’s often said that you can set your watch by the efficiency of the train service. The same is pretty much true of Dubai’s own metro I think. If we use it every day, it’s easy to take for granted, but what can help make every journey special – is the people that share our commutes….

1. The guy that hasn’t prepared for his exit on the busy rush hour service.

That guy. Let’s all agree to try as hard as we can to not be ‘ That Guy’.  I am certain you will have no problem picturing the scene: The train is packed, etiquette – nay, 4 year old, single figure IQ logic – dictates that you edge closer to the exits, the closer you get to your stop. The one thing you don’t do is remain equidistant between 2 sets of doors in a crowded carriage until the moment the train pulls in to the station. The opening of the doors then sets in motion a series of events not too dissimilar to some of the more harrowing scenes from the hunger games. Human beings become fleshly lumps of obstacle and backpacks are things to be charged at, sending their owners spinning wildly out of control. With the seconds counting down till the doors finally close, the escape becomes more desperate – the elbows are deployed to a chorus of tuts and appalled onlookers. But with nanoseconds to spare, ‘that guy’ leaps like a sweaty salmon to freedom, with all but his dignity and common decency intact.

2.The People that fall asleep on strangers

There is something about public transport, maybe it’s the slow rhythmic motions of the carriage – maybe it’s that disconnect from sitting down and taking a load off, but there is something that sends certain people into an inescapable collision course with drooping eyelids. There are inherent problems with nodding off on the metro; not having a suitable pillow substitute for one– your head will normally act as a stranger’s shoulder seeking missile and there it will remain until you’re violently jolted out of slumber from cornering at high speed or your new travel cushion getting up because it’s their stop. I guess it happens to the best of us if we’re really that tired. It’s important to remember however that best of us don’t dribble in their sleep.

3. Confused Tourists.

You know the ones, you can spot them – staring at the metro-map, checking it against the guide book, dressed in either entirely inappropriate beach attire or long flowing gowns because they’ve been told before they left, by some idiot friend on Facebook, that you can’t show ankle anywhere in Dubai outside of your hotel room. Well I guess we can forgive them. The massive tally of 2 different coloured lines can be perplexing. And after all the station announcements that are repeated twice in 2 different languages are only absolutely clear and in no way ambiguous. The station announcements that reassure us that the train to Rashidiya is in fact arriving on the Rashidiya platform, phew, sigh of relief.  If I were the announcer, I’d probably mix it up a bit just to brighten my own day, ‘The train to Inverness will shortly be arriving in to platform 4, all passengers for Damac Properties, please proceed to the front two carriages and Change in Berlin’. But then again I am neither responsible nor a pre-recorded message, so you’re all safe. For now. The one doubt I will give them benefit for is the look of abject terror, after one of the stations has recently changed it’s name and the announcement doesn’t match up to the map. Funny to watch though isn’t it?

4. People in Training For The Staring Olympics

I don’t mind people staring at me, I have an impenetrable sense of self-belief that makes me think that people staring at me are simply making mental notes on what they can do to try and achieve the same level of awesome as I am, at any given moment, exuding in abundance. This is only partly true, but I do genuinely have sympathy for the staring squad. Staring is a method of observance, observance is all about learning and learning should, in general, be encouraged. And because Dubai is blessed with such a rich diversity of cultures and individuals – there is a lot to observe. Looking at my Nol card – always reminds me of how lucky I am to be in a place that reflects what a magnificent and varied wonder the Global community really is. Starers of Dubai – you’re OK in my carriage.

5. Shoppers

We love our malls in Dubai don’t we – huge glittering tributes to super cool shops full of stuff. That I want now. No matter the crippling financial implications. There is more square foot of Mall in Dubai, than there is of canal in Venice .  Confession time, this is entirely un-fact-checked but I feel like it’s a safe bet. Using the philosophy of the movie ‘Field of Dreams’ – which is an entirely sound foundation to construct any engineering project on: ‘If you build it, they will come’, and they do, in vast hordes. I have been on trains where the shopping bag to human ratio is so wildly inconceivable the only way of describing it to someone else is by dropping a marble on to Jumeriah beach, pointing at the marble and repeatedly screaming  “LOOK AT IT”. Slight exaggeration, but as we have already established, facts in this article are largely irrelevant. The people getting on at the stations that serve the malls always have the same look, that look of pure unadulterated happiness that comes from holding bags full of new gadgets and clothes, such a wonderful feeling that even the voice at the back of your head calling you an extravagant dandy cannot dampen.

Please let us know about any other types of fellow passenger you have a fondness or curiosity for. And keep a look out for me, I’ll be the one doing lunges in preparation for the 200 meter stare in Rio.

Searching For Meaning In Justin Bieber Lyrics

Searching for meaning in Justin Bieber lyrics

What a year old Biebs has had. His public profile has gone from one of those kids that hang around on street corners asking you if you’ll buy them a packet of cigarettes to UN peace envoy, seemingly overnight. Last time He was in Dubai he turned up 2 hours late to a performance and racked up 6 speeding fines. This type of perception transformation should usually only be possible if your PR firm is run by Rumpel Stiltskin. I checked the books, and he’s not on there, so how has he achieved it? To try and uncover the source of miraculous media metamorphosis – I have been searching his written texts for some clues, some hidden ancient wisdom that might help us all on the path to enlightenment and total awareness.

These are the results:

Justin Bieber, Where Are U Now?, 2015

“I gave you the key when the door wasn't open, just admit it, See I gave you faith turned your doubt in to hoping, can't deny it”. Nope, this was not taken from any of the old school Gospels, this is a direct quote from the assembled works of Bieber entitled ‘Purpose’, his album released late last year. Justin has clearly positioned himself here as some kind of redeemer figure. Which is both brave and ironic given his position in the mass public mind-set before the release of this song. But is seeking  redemption through the act of redeeming others such an ignoble act?

“I gave you the shirt off my back what you sayin”.  Justin offering to take his shirt off is probably enough to win over 50% of the population, but what if we drill down in to this a little deeper, what if he’s not offering to take his shirt off – what if he’s talking about the way we treated him during his period in the wilderness, or his fans at least. And what if the question ‘Where are U now?’ is indeed introspective, and he’s seeking the whereabouts of his own inner self? To achieve any great growth or change, we must at first strip down to our most base form, understand our most central identity. All those years doing English literature homework is really paying off here, massively reading in to things that really probably aren’t there.

Justin Bieber, What Do You Mean? 2015

The second single released from the album. The second posed as a question.  WHAT, INDEED, DO YOU MEAN JUSTIN? It’s like a lyric within a lyric, a trail of musical breadcrumbs leading up to Christopher Nolan’s house. “When you don't want me to move, But you tell me to go, What do you mean?” Bieber seems to be asking a lot of questions in this song, but he actually only ever asks us one, ‘what we mean’.  During the song, the question is often asked after our (us being the subject of observation) seemingly erratic behaviour. “First you wanna go to the left then you want to turn right”, this isn’t the furious response to using google maps as a sat nav, this is him commenting both on the polar nature of our opinions on him and on a simpler more human level: that our own desires are often contradictory. No I don’t want any chips darling, but actually if you order them I WILL STEAL EVERY SINGLE ONE FROM YOUR PLATE. By asking us what we mean, he is asking us to disrupt our inclinations towards indecision, vanity and excess. Either that or he’s rubbish at sharing chips.

Justin Bieber, Love Yourself, 2015

It’s a scientific fact proved by science in science class by scientists that every teenager has, at one point said (or written, tweeted etc) the line – ‘before you can learn to love someone else, you have to love yourself’. But this is of course superficial nonsense. In reality, it means absolutely the opposite: Narcissism is a clinically certifiable mental illness. The track ‘Love Yourself’, is absolutely not an indulgence of this broken soundbite – quite the opposite, it’s a critique of those too quick to love themselves. A warning to us, to perhaps not fall in to the trap his own ego set for him. Either that or ‘Love yourself’ is a thinly veiled euphemism for asking somebody to go and [insert another four letter word] themselves.

And even if somehow, defying all the odds and for the very first time, I’m wrong and he’s not actually not an Oprah, Obama, Chopra, Dylan, Dalai Lama or Aristotle, what we can probably all agree on is that he has superhuman ability is to, at the very least, appear grounded. I cannot begin to imagine the titanic disaster of a human being that I would become if I had only a small percentage of Bieber’s looks, talent and six-pack. You would probably have to kill me with fire.  So when he’s back in Dubai, and he will be back; he has an album to promote, lets welcome him with open arms. And I don’t mean ny clotheslining him like this Belieber did at a concert in Dubai, back in 2013: