In Germany, it’s often said that you can set your watch by
the efficiency of the train service. The same is pretty much true of Dubai’s
own metro I think. If we use it every day, it’s easy to take for granted, but
what can help make every journey special – is the people that share our commutes….
1. The guy that hasn’t prepared for his exit on the busy
rush hour service.
That guy. Let’s all agree to try as hard as we can to not be
‘ That Guy’. I am certain you will have
no problem picturing the scene: The train is packed, etiquette – nay, 4 year
old, single figure IQ logic – dictates that you edge closer to the exits, the
closer you get to your stop. The one thing you don’t do is remain equidistant
between 2 sets of doors in a crowded carriage until the moment the train pulls
in to the station. The opening of the doors then sets in motion a series of
events not too dissimilar to some of the more harrowing scenes from the hunger
games. Human beings become fleshly lumps of obstacle and backpacks are things
to be charged at, sending their owners spinning wildly out of control. With the
seconds counting down till the doors finally close, the escape becomes more
desperate – the elbows are deployed to a chorus of tuts and appalled onlookers.
But with nanoseconds to spare, ‘that guy’ leaps like a sweaty salmon to
freedom, with all but his dignity and common decency intact.
2.The People that fall asleep on strangers
There is something about public transport, maybe it’s the
slow rhythmic motions of the carriage – maybe it’s that disconnect from sitting
down and taking a load off, but there is something that sends certain people
into an inescapable collision course with drooping
eyelids. There are inherent problems with nodding off on the metro; not
having a suitable pillow substitute for one– your head will normally act as a
stranger’s shoulder seeking missile and there it will remain until you’re
violently jolted out of slumber from cornering at high speed or your new travel
cushion getting up because it’s their stop. I guess it happens to the best of
us if we’re really that tired. It’s important to remember however that best of
us don’t dribble in their sleep.
3. Confused Tourists.
You know the ones, you can spot them – staring at the
metro-map, checking it against the guide book, dressed in either entirely
inappropriate beach attire or long flowing gowns because they’ve been told
before they left, by some idiot friend on Facebook, that you can’t show ankle
anywhere in Dubai outside of your hotel room. Well I guess we can forgive them.
The massive tally of 2 different coloured lines can be perplexing. And after
all the station announcements that are repeated twice in 2 different languages
are only absolutely clear and in no way ambiguous. The station announcements
that reassure us that the train to Rashidiya is in fact arriving on the Rashidiya
platform, phew, sigh of relief. If I
were the announcer, I’d probably mix it up a bit just to brighten my own day,
‘The train to Inverness will shortly be arriving in to platform 4, all
passengers for Damac Properties, please proceed to the front two carriages and
Change in Berlin’. But then again I am neither responsible nor a pre-recorded
message, so you’re all safe. For now. The one doubt I will give them benefit
for is the look of abject terror, after one of the stations has recently
changed it’s name and the announcement doesn’t match up to the map. Funny to
watch though isn’t it?
4. People in Training For The Staring Olympics
I don’t mind people staring at me, I have an impenetrable
sense of self-belief that makes me think that people staring at me are simply
making mental notes on what they can do to try and achieve the same level of
awesome as I am, at any given moment, exuding in abundance. This is only partly
true, but I do genuinely have sympathy for the staring squad. Staring is a
method of observance, observance is all about learning and learning should, in
general, be encouraged. And because Dubai is blessed with such a rich diversity
of cultures and individuals – there is a lot to observe. Looking at my Nol card
– always reminds me of how lucky I am to be in a place that reflects what a
magnificent and varied wonder the Global community really is. Starers of Dubai
– you’re OK in my carriage.
5. Shoppers
We love our malls in Dubai don’t we – huge glittering
tributes to super cool shops full of stuff. That I want now. No matter the
crippling financial implications. There is more square foot of Mall in Dubai,
than there is of canal in Venice .
Confession time, this is entirely un-fact-checked but I feel like it’s a
safe bet. Using the philosophy of the movie ‘Field of Dreams’ – which is an
entirely sound foundation to construct any engineering project on: ‘If you
build it, they will come’, and they do, in vast hordes. I have been on trains
where the shopping bag to human ratio is so wildly inconceivable the only way
of describing it to someone else is by dropping a marble on to Jumeriah beach,
pointing at the marble and repeatedly screaming
“LOOK AT IT”. Slight exaggeration, but as we have already established,
facts in this article are largely irrelevant. The people getting on at the
stations that serve the malls always have the same look, that look of pure
unadulterated happiness that comes from holding bags full of new gadgets and
clothes, such a wonderful feeling that even the voice at the back of your head
calling you an extravagant dandy cannot dampen.
Please let us know about any other types of fellow passenger
you have a fondness or curiosity for. And keep a look out for me, I’ll be the
one doing lunges in preparation for the 200 meter stare in Rio.
